All over

06Mar10

So I just wanted to update this and let everyone know that I’m now out of that hell hole I called work. I handed my resignation in and yesterday was my last day, even though I wasn’t actually working there because I was still signed off sick (six weeks of anxiety!).

The mad woman had packed all of my belongings up and shoved them in a box in a cupboard, she had got rid of any evidence I was even there. My desk had gone, my computer had been moved and all of my items had been split between her and the new girl, so I really felt like I was wanted didn’t I?!

Today I woke up feeling like a brand new person, a new day and a new me.

I’m still contemplating trying to get some work in a salon because I agree with everyone who has said that I am worth so much more than admin and that admin isn’t necessarily what I should be doing. Looking back over my past jobs, there has always been a bit of jealousy on my colleagues part that I got things done and was liked by everyone, then they made my life hell.

I always thought I was a reasonably nice person, but what have I done to deserve all this negativity towards me?

So there you go. I’m officially unemployed and not earning any money but I’m already on the look out for new areas to try my hand at.

Wish me luck.

Advertisements

Ok, lets get to this.

I’ve neglected this blog even when I said I wouldn’t. But I didn’t really think you’d all want me moaning about work and how it’s such a bitch. See, that’s all that has really happened to me as of late.

I started off this year hoping that things at work would get better and they didn’t. Instead I have been bullied a little more, I’ve been exdcluded, I’ve been shunned and now have to sit with my back to a window with barely any room to move. I sit and listen to the boss, J, and the new girl, E, on a daily basis.. whittering away to each other, laughing at nonsense jokes and basically blanking me.

It’s crap.

I have been off ill with an asthma attack and a three day migraine and to top it all off I fell over at work last Thursday with a dizzy spell, pulling all my work on top of me and hitting my head in the process. J just laughed.

Friday I was off with concussion and on Tuesday just gone I sent myself to the doctors to have a review on my anti-depressants, only to be signed off work for two weeks with anxiety symptoms and depression because work is the cause of all my illnesses. Honestly, I haven’t felt well or like myself since September last year.

I’m currently off work until 9th February and even now I don’t know if I want to go back. I’m typing up my CV for a job I’ve seen advertised and I’m hoping to find something else soon, because I’m not too sure how much more I can take. I’ve already started to panic everytime I pass my workplace, even if it’s just a trip to the supermarket. Something’s not right with all of this.

So there you have it, a run down of my 2010 so far. Great isn’t it?! 🙂


Office Politics

29Dec09

How was everyone’s holidays? Mine were good and I can’t wait for my three day weekend for New Year’s. Mark came round and it was lovely to spend the time with him and not have to worry about all the things that have been floating around my head recently.

Things at work are still a little strained, but I’m trying to relax, forget about it and just look for another job. I’m ignoring the fact that my boss doesn’t seem to like me and that I’m not getting on with people as much as I used to, but things change and it could all flip round again at any time. I’m also trying to forget the fact that my ungrateful boss (who used to be a really close friend of mine) didn’t even both to say thank you for her Christmas pressies!!

So yeah, things aren’t all hunky dory over in my part of the wood however I’m loving home life right now, things are better than ever.

How is everyone else doing?


Merry Christmas everyone!!


Missing it

23Dec09

This time last year I had been to New York, I’d got engaged and I’d seen the Christmas lights around Manhatten.

And I miss it all. I want to go back.


A quick one!

20Dec09

Just a real quick post, Friday was my Christmas party for work and I was really looking forward to. To getting glammed up and showing off my ever decreasing body in my new dress. And this I did, with a few admiring glances from some men from other work parties and I was told by my gorgeous boyfriend and also my beautiful mate that I looked fantastic and beautiful and everything else a girl wants to hear. And I felt like I was all those things.

Then the shit hit the fan. We got to the event, being held in a marquee, and basically all of my work colleagues (except that one friend!) ignored me. At first I tried to hold conversations with people but eventually they stopped answering me so I just gave up!!

So it was a dreadful end to a dreadful night. I cried, I whined and I wouldn’t dance because I thought everyone would laugh at me, I probably shouldn’t have worried – I don’t even think they knew who I was!

I hope everyone else has far more fun at their Christmas parties!


New Beginnings

08Dec09

Wow, has it really been nearly a month of me blogging? Sorry!

This post has been a long time coming and is really needed at this moment in time.

I’ve been through a lot this year and I’ve managed to work through a lot of things and now I feel I am at a turning point in my life where it’s time to take control and do something about it.

For those of you who don’t know, I was feeling very down at the beginning of the year. I was so low I felt like I wasn’t coping with things that life was throwing at me, I was struggling to keep my head above water and it looked like things weren’t going to get any better. In the end I made a very tough decision and booked myself in with an appointment to see my local GP. We had a very long chat and I came out with a prescription for some anti-depressants, which I’m still on.

They have made such a huge difference to my life. I’ve been able to focus on things including my own needs, which had become something I couldn’t previously do. It was all about making everyone surrounding me happy despite how I felt. I can finally make decisions without having to ask a poll of 100 people and still choosing what everyone around me wanted. I also began to change from the quiet little mouse I once was to someone who I believe is the real me.

I’ve even managed to join college and do something I’ve always wanted to do, and losing weight was another huge achievement for me and I’m so proud of myself for coming so far.

It sounds like a giant cliché, but I feel as if I’ve finally become who I should have been all along, someone who was supressed and couldn’t quite be heard because the doubt kept pouring over me and batting me down. I’ve managed to grow from the little girl I was a few months ago to being a fully grown woman. And it’s about bloody time!

This year has been a year of putting things right and getting myself to a place I want to be. For me to start all over again and live my life how I want to. Not anyone else.

I’ve had some troubles at work recently and I’m still reeling from it all. Having a “friend”/colleague say nasty things about me to my face, to ignore me and then say it’s all my fault, making my life hell at work. It’s all just the tip of a very large iceberg. I’ve not liked my job for a long time – I’m not going anywhere, there is no career there.

One thing I’ve learnt from all of this is to never get too close to a colleague because in the end it may just cause a whole lot of grief.

This woman was someone I turned to and who has played a large part in helping me, but I started to listen to her far too much. I started to do what she told me to do despite it being against everything everyone else said. I’d do it to keep her happy. Maybe to keep her as my friend? (With hindsight, I don’t think so.) We’ve now argued and broken up, and now have supposedly made-up but I can’t get all of the things she said out of my head. This woman is 50 years old and behaved like a 12 year old!

Because of all this I’ve really re-evaluated my life and decided something has to change. I’m fed up of being walked over and molly coddled. Of having decisions made for me by someone like that.

It’s time to change.

And now is the time, the starting platform for me to change my life and do things how I want to do them. I’m going to look for a new job, to get out of the rut I’m stuck in and away from the woman who is currently making life hell for me. I’m going to sort out my finances, save, buy a new car and generally live how I want to live. There will be some big changes and some small changes, but they will all be directed by me and what I want to do.

This has been hard to write, but two people have inspired me to do so.

xXxOnnaxXx spoke about her depression and her life in one of her recent youtube videos. Onna made me realise depression is nothing to be ashamed of or that needs hiding. There are plenty of people out there in similar circumstances. Her video spoke volumes to me.

Then there is Kelly from Kelanjo19 who has made a video all about believing to achieve. Another video which made me think that I can do this, and I can get on with what I want to do, that I can achieve anything!

Both of these videos came at the right time. A time I was needing something to make me move forward and realise I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. Thank you girls!

Thanks x