I’m not really looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, in fact I’m rather nervous about it.

Not just because of the time I’ve had off sick or not knowing quite what I’ll have left to do on my return. But the dynamics of the office have completely changed since I had that bust up with the boss. She’s more secretive, I walk around on egg shells. I feel like I’m defying my mother and trying to break the rules, whilst she is using an iron fist to control me.

Recently, before I became ill, I was taking each day as it came and dealing with what was thrown at me. When I popped in on Thursday I felt that this wouldn’t work any more. I’ll still take it slowly but I will be more of my own person, I won’t share the secrets that I used to and I’ll keep myself to myself.

The boss doesn’t seem to like it that I’m becoming more of who I want to be, she doesn’t like it that I’m not so controllable and not someone who can be taken advantage of before. She doesn’t like it that more people talk to me, confide in me, laugh with me. She preferred it when I was left and sat in the corner hoping people wouldn’t notice me, but that’s not who I am anymore. I’m me. I’ve come out of my shell and I’ve developed a personality. At the grand old age of 26 I’ve finally found who I’m meant to be.

The office is hard to work in because of these problems. It’s difficult to go 8 hours a day without the possibility of upsetting her. It’s frustrating and I’m having to hold back on so many things.

I’m honestly thinking about looking for a new job in the new year. I’m not going to run out and grab the first thing that comes along, and I’m not going to just quit my job in the hopes that something will turn up. But I don’t know how long I can manage to work under these conditions. It’s crippling me. I know that may sound like a huge exaggeration, but it’s not. I feel so restrained and confined. I can only act a certain way because someone may get upset? How fair is this on me?

I’m not a nasty person, far from it. I hate hurting people. But yet I go to work every day and have comments said to me which are on the verge of bullying. Some nasty things have been said which with hindsight I realise weren’t called for and were below the belt, but I didn’t get upset about them at the time. There’s no need for me to be treated like this, and I shouldn’t be made to feel like this either.

Tomorrow will come, I’ll go to work and get on with the things I have to do but I’m not looking forward to it.

I’m thinking that this looks rather delicious!

Sorry for the lack of posts this week, but I’ve been on leave from work and haven’t really got up to much. I still went to college and had my hands ravaged by the fibreglass tips which I took straight off again on Thursday night. One nail has been buffed so much the nail plate has almost disappeared, but I know with some care and a lot of patience it will all soon be repaired.

Yesterday I went out shopping with Mark and managed to fill up 5 hours in most of my shops. I did manage to buy the first few Christmas presents and I know a few other items I want to buy, so I’m going to check them out online as they weren’t in stock in the actual shops yesterday. Plus I might try and sneak a few things on to my Christmas list. Yep, I still make a list every year!

Back to work on Monday which is something I’m not looking forward to. I feel like a lot of things will have changed whilst I’ve been off these two weeks, so I will feel I’ve missed out on a lot and will not be let in on secrets and events, but it’s something that happens and I have to deal with. Only another three weeks and I’m off for another week again, which I’m already counting down the days to. Then there will be more college, more Christmas shopping and the possibility of a trip to the Birmingham NEC for The Clothes Show 2009, depeneding if the boss still wants to go.

So all in all I’ve not had a very eventful week. I’ve just about recovered from the flu, still get tired a bit quicker than usual but that’s to be expected, I’ve watched tv and been shopping. But I’ve enjoyed my time off and that’s the main thing.

Did you get caught up in the hype for the limited edition free scarf?

Giles Deacon teamed up with Cadbury and designed a scarf for the new Cadbury Nibbles range that has recently come out.

I was among the lucky few who managed to bag a ‘Nibbles’ scarf for free. If you don’t already know, it involved queuing on the Internet at certain sites – various pop up stores opened online throughout the day – until you were lucky enough to be asked to leave your details.

I definitely got caught up in it!

As I’m still off and very, very bored I’ve been looking at completely random things on Youtube.

Then I found this. I think the dog is just too cute!

I’ll admit I’m a slacker.

Work has been odd and a little manic. I’ve got next week off (yay!) but I’m off today as I’m poorly. I feel like I may have the beginning of the flu, I’m aching all over and generally feeling kind of gross!

This weekend because I wasn’t feeling up to much we nipped off to look for some bits for my car. It’s been shuddering and jumping a bit and there just is no power when I put my foot down. Cue the boyfriend looking under the bonnet and realising I had a problem and electrical sparks flying around. We didn’t find the bits we needed in the end though. I got out of a warm comfy bed for no reason!

Yesterday after sleeping practically most of a the weekend I managed to stay awake to watch a film. In two halves. No one said I had to watch it all in one go!

I opted for a good old Disney film and watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua which Mark had bought for me as I kept annoying him singing along to the trailer on every other film we watched. I think I’ve finally got it out of my system now!

So now that I’m home and feeling snotty and gross and Mark is preparing to go to work. I think I’m going to go and watch Gossip Girls Season 2 and maybe some other girly goodness.

This weekend Mark and I didn’t see each other, so I have been having a play with my nail art colours for my college. See my beauty blog for some pictures! I’ve also been just chilling out and trying to make myself feel a bit more human. I haven’t been feeling unwell, just not quite right so I thought a lie in on Saturday morning before my hair cut would be good. I didn’t mean to wake up only 15 minutes before my actual appointment, so it was a rush to get ready and down there in time, but I somehow managed it!

I’ve also been watching a little bit more tv whilst Mark was at his mates house. This week I watched the X Factor instead of the usual Strictly Come Dancing and I must say I haven’t yet got a favourite, however I do know that the twins are completely annoying me and make cringe-worthy viewing.

It’s been pretty chilly here so I’ve just been lounging around the house in some jeans, boots and a hoodie. I’m trying to keep warm but I’m not managing too well. I may have to start wearing gloves soon!

Hope you have all had a good weekend.

I can’t wait until I have my week off on 2 November. Just three weeks away now.

I so need it!

Being in the office is unbearable and frustrating. The boss is still acting strange, I’ve tried my best with her but have admitted defeat and just can’t try anymore with her. Unfortunately just as I begin to like the job again I start to feel the need to look for another job because of the atmosphere that surrounds us. For the time being I feel like I can do no right, whatever I say or do is wrong.

I’ve started to count down the hours and minutes until I can get out and breathe a sigh of relief that the day is over and I don’t have to walk around on tiptoe until the next day. Add this to the fact I feel just plain exhausted from it all and begin to feel rotten.

All in all my holiday can’t come soon enough!

This weekend was a pretty lazy one that meant both Mark and I ended up sleeping a lot. He’s not been feeling too well recently and I think I may have caught a fraction of whatever he had which is making me even more tired than usual.

I also ate a bit too much, but think I stayed within my WW points. I’m not really too sure how this whole diet thing is going as I haven’t been to the gym properly over the past couple of weeks or even weighed myself, so I started off today as a fresh start. I’m even going to the gym tonight in the hopes that the exercise will give me a kick up the bum to stop my procrastinating and get me more active. Just a little worried about the weigh in though!

In the middle of eating and sleeping far too much I did manage to wrangle the remote control away from Mark for enough time to watch Strictly Come Dancing. I won’t even mention how much I’m hating Alesha Dixon on it because I just won’t shut up about it! I’m really liking Ricky Whittle – mmmm. *Drools*

Sorry, got  carried away there! So as well as watching Ali Bastian (Mark’s favourite girl. Ever!) and Ricky Groves etc dance their way around the dancefloor I also got to watch yet another film; Role Models with Seann William Scott and Paul Judd, which was quite good and better than I expected.

Edit: I have been to the gym and haven’t put on any weight in the two weeks I’ve been a bit slack. I must be doing something right after all!

I keep forgetting to mention that the lovely fiance bought me, as a late birthday present, the second series of Gossip Girl, so over the weekend I managed to get in a couple of episodes and he even watched it with me!

We also watched Poseidon the weekend before and I got to watch 17 Again, with the scrummy Zac Efron, this weekend.

I’m certainly adding to my 100 films on my list!

There really is no pleasing some people!

Today has been a real weird day. My boss and I had words where she thinks I said something with “such venom” in my voice and it was taken the wrong way. We’ve hardly spoken to each other all day.

Apparently I have changed a lot in the last two weeks, I’m acting and behaving differently and it’s something I definitely wasn’t before. But I don’t think I have changed, if I have it’s not for the worse. I can only think that I have gained confidence and maturity, that I can make my own decisions and it doesn’t all have to be based around what certain people think. Especially her.

Is it because I’m getting on with our new girl? (The old receptionist left, and we’ve had this one for a week and 2 days now) Is it because I’m coming out of my shell, doing something on my own as an individual? Is because I’m slowly inching my way away from becoming her mini clone and become my own person?

Who knows. I’m not changing I’m just growing as a person and I’m happy with who I am. Why change that?

All I know is that I’m not looking forward to going in to work tomorrow!