Prohibited

Indeed, that is how it feels. Like a huge big, giant weight has been taken from my shoulders and tossed aside. I no longer have to worry about it. That weight was Becky. In some very weird way I feel I can get on with my life without having to watch my step, mind my words or pretend everything is hunky dory. I no longer will have to tiptoe around at work and try to keep the peace with everyone after her words have caused some problems. I just won’t have to worry about her. No it’s time for me to feel like I belong. To start afresh.

I’ve also finished feeding Harley. Upon leaving her I felt a huge relief plus great sadness. I know I’m going to miss her, she was an awesome cat. I feel bad she is being left with an owner who doesn’t deserve her or probably treat her as well as she could. I don’t mean she abuses her, but she probably doesn’t receive a lot of attention. My friend is one who’s always out with her new man (well the one she’s currently with, until he’s run out of usefulness!) and Harley barely gets a look in. I wish I could keep her.

So it’s been a day of finishing things. And now it’s time to start a new chapter, one without a monster always lurking behind the scenes ready to jump out at any given opportunity. No, it’s a chapter filled with happiness and other such soppy stuffs.

I’m still on the cat duties, although Wednesday night will be my last visit. It can’t come round quick enough. I love Harley, but looking after someone else’s house and cat is quite a big responsibility - what would happen if I didn’t lock up properly and the house got broken in to? Plus, the job is quite time consuming and I’m losing a lot of my “me time”. My evenings seem very short and I don’t really get a chance to do what I want to do.

The weekend went far too quickly and I felt like I didn’t really spend a lot of time with Mark. Saturday morning I was up early and round feeding Harley before popping in to the hairdressers. My hair is now in a short bob, about chin length, and I’m liking it so far. After having my hair washed, dried and styled I arranged the next appointment with a completely new person. The girl I usually have is leaving to go back to her home town in America with her husband as he’s in the military. I met up with the boss to go buy Becky and the part-timer’s leaving presents. We’ve got Becky a green Ipod Nano that she wanted, and the part-timer has got a lovely necklace and a pair of earrings, which I’d really like myself. Then we nipped in to the tattooist/piercers and I’ve now got a hoop in the top of my right ear. I’ve been wanting to have it re-pierced for a while so it was finally time. The boss got her tragus pierced as she already has a quite a few piercings. I think at the time of piercing mine was more painful but with the pain afterwards hers is worse than mine. My pain was caused by having the needle through the cartilage but the plastic sheath he wanted to insert before putting the hoop in was too large for the hole. Ouchie!

Never mind, it looks good now. Although it isn’t right at the top of my ear, so there’s still room if I want another piercing. I’d quite like to put my old stud back in but I don’t know if it would look fine or fit well. I had hoped to get the second piercing in my lobes but the pain from the first one put me off. Maybe at a later date I’ll get them done.

After the piercings I finally got home and found Mark washing his car. I cheated and took mine to a hand-wash where some lovely men gave my car a thorough cleaning for a little bit of money - anything to get out of doing it myself. I’m lazy. Then we didn’t really have that much time before having to head back to Harley. Luckily Sunday was spent together with me popping out in the morning for my cat duties and us going in the evening.

So that’s my weekend. I have two more days of cat feeding, two more days of Becky. Did I mention she’s leaving on Wednesday instead of Friday? Yes!! Things are starting to look good.

Well folks, I am still around, I’ve just been a little busy looking after the cat and trying to fit in my other usual bits and pieces I do of an evening. But at least it’s Friday tomorrow and soon the weekend. Although it’s set to be a busy one; feeding Harley, getting my hair cut, washing the car, getting passport photos of Mark and going to the garden centre. I don’t think there’s going to be a lot of time for just Mark and I. However, I am hoping to treat him to a meal out on Saturday night.

Becky is no leaving on Wednesday along with the part-time girl, so I’m off out with the boss after my haircut to choose some leaving presents. I’ve been counting down the days for ages. Can’t believe it’s only four days now.

Now I’m just waiting for my Wii Fit to turn up and then I’ll be a very happy bunny indeed.

I’m quickly getting quite a bad headache. It’s been gradually getting worse all afternoon and all I want to do is have a snooze.

This week looks as if it may be a good one. I was given a pay rise. The boss called me in to his office this morning and told me how fantastic I am at my job, that I’ve done really well over the past year. I keep everything flowing and never have or cause any problems. He’s really pleased with me. I’m being given a small amount extra each month and on top of that (I think) a 2.5% pay rise. Hopefully this is all sorted and when I receive my pay this month it should have gone up. I know it’s not a lot, but it’s better than nothing, right? At least I feel a little appreciated for all my hard work. (Mark has just said I should have got 10 times as much because I’m wonderful!)

I’m tired. I’m going to try and sleep off this headache. It’s hurting my eyes, the light is too bright. What does a migraine feel like?

This is the little one I’ll be kitty sitting next week. Her name is Harley, named because her purr is so loud. She’s a really gorgeous, sweet and affectionate 3 year old, and I don’t mind looking after her at all. I’ve already been round there this weekend because her owner asked me to. She couldn’t be bothered to come home from her boyfriends to fed her. Poor little Harley.

The weekend has been as predictable as I thought. I’ve read and played on the computer like I always do. Now I’ve got to get ready for another week at work. From Wednesday morning I’m looking after Harley (and could stay around her house if I wanted to) but I’m not sure until when. Possibly Tuesday night.

I’m all fully booked for next weekend though. Mark is here, and obviously I’ll be looking after Harley. Plus I want to treat Mark to a meal out if I have the funds. Pay day is just around the corner so I can’t see that being too much of a problem.

Roll on the weekend…

It’s Friday. It’s the start of the weekend. No work for two days - at last. What am I going to do with the next couple of days? Not a damn thing. I think it’ll be another lazy weekend, with me slobbing around and sleeping too much.

My day has just got a whole lot more better though. I’ve just won a little names-in-a-hat draw over at SleepyJane’s. Go me!

I’m still in lala-land and have nothing to write that is important.

I’ve been feeling a little sorry for myself. I keep getting knocked back whenever I try to make a go of things, whatever they might be, however small. I’m trying to do something for myself but all I seem to do is get moaned at for it. Mainly it’s my sisters that make some comment, which knocks my confidence and I’m back to square one. I’m trying to ignore it, but it’s hard.

I feel like I’m in one of those games. You know, the ones where the head pops up and the kid smashes it back down with the hammer? Yeah, I feel like I’m the one that gets bumped on the head all the time.

I’m trying to stay upbeat and happy, to not let it get me down, but I’m struggling. I confessed all to Mark last night. I want encouragement. Mum currently is always there for me and giving me her support. I want that from Mark too, instead of the neutral comments I usually get.

Suddenly I feel old. And tired. I know I’m not, well not that old at least, but I feel constantly drained. Then again I feel young, immature and very irresponsible. Especially when I talk to people like Michelle. Younger than me, wise beyond her years, renting her own place with her boyfriend, sharing a car and responsibilities. I realise I’m very much a princess, used to being waited on hand and foot and never really having to lift a finger to do anything. I’m not very good at making decisions, supporting myself or acting my age. I’m spoilt. It’s like I’m lacking something from my life, but I haven’t yet figured out what it is.

I don’t want this blog to turn into a depressing, woe is me type thing. I want to use it to remember good memories, events and happy times. Unfortunately there isn’t any of those and all I seem to do is moan about myself.

I can’t think of anything to write. I had a pretty uneventful weekend, Mark worked nights so I was all on my lonesome so I read a bit and flicked from one website to another. I was very unproductive.

I hate it like this. I want to get out and do stuff, but what and who with?

Work is plain boring, I’m getting really annoyed with Becky because well… she’s breathing? I don’t know. That’s probably a bit harsh. The new girl, Michelle, seems a bit quiet but it’s hard getting to know someone new, especially when there is someone (Becky) always there.

Anyway, it looks like my highlight of the week will be going to a friends house on Thursday to meet the cat I’ll be cat-sitting for the following week.

Doesn’t this all just sound way too exciting for me?!

It’s all about having a little confidence, isn’t it?

Ok, girls. Time for you to help me out a little here.

You know when you’re having a fat day and just feel fed up with yourself? Well, that’s my life. I’ve complained over and over again about my weight, but I never get round to doing anything about it. And it has changed yet.

However, I do need to start thinking more about what I wear. Generally outside of work I stick to jeans, t-shirts and hoodies but I need to change. Plus my work clothes aren’t looking all that great either. I do have loads of tops to wear but I seem to have taken to wearing a thick (woolly) cardigan over them. All last summer I did the same, obviously with a thinner one. Preferably one I can do up and doesn’t show off the fat too much. None of these are good looks.

But now, with the new girl starting, I think it’s time to try and break the habit and wear something other than this.

So, I need your help. What the hell can I wear that doesn’t cling to my body, that doesn’t make the fat prominent. I want to hide the tyre around my waist and not bring attention to it.

Any exercise tips would also be welcome, although I’m limited with movements due to that damn shoulder pain.