Prohibited

Because I don’t really have all that much to say and I’ve been hovering over at SleepyJane’s for a while, I thought I’d join in and share what’s in my bag.

So here we go.

From the top left:

- Black leather gloves. It’s been cold recently and these have been left floating around in my bag ever since. They’re really comfy, cosy and well worn. The main thing is they keep my fingers nice and toasty.

- A small tube of hand cream. My hands get dry and itchy a lot of the time.

- My pink Nokia 6111 phone.

- Some cute little highlighters I always seem to use at work. I bring them home because everyone keeps trying to steal them.

- A blue 2008 diary.

- Below the diary is my fob for work. Due to the sensitive things we deal with we have tight security, and this allows me in and out of the offices and in to rooms where police exhibits are contained. Without this I wouldn’t get anywhere at work.

- A few pens. I can never find one when I need one though!

- Next to the pens in the little bag are a couple of miniature sparklers I received in a present from Mark. I don’t want to use them.

- A couple of pieces of chewing gum. I always have a piece in the afternoon when I’m at work. I would like to stay it stops me biting me nails - but it doesn’t. Simple as that.

- My usb memory stick. For any entries I write at work. Or for work I do at home - boring - *yawn*.

- Some Chap Stick. Yummy! Need I say more?

- My watch. It seems this has been laying around at the bottom of my bag for a few days, I thought I’d lost it.

- A small brush. I do try to look respectable.

- My inhaler.

- My black Radley purse. Mark bought me this at Christmas. I heart it. It’s got space for my coins, an area for my notes and plenty of space for all my cards.

- A Double Decker chocolate bar. Just in case I get the munchies.

- A small compact mirror and a nail file. I don’t have any nails though, so I’m not sure why this is even in there.

- My car and house keys, and a Radley keyring.

Does anyone else care to share what they carry around on a daily basis? I’m quite nosey and would love to know what everyone else has in their bags.

Happy Easter people!

Did you all have a good one?

Myself? Well, a nice long 4 day weekend and it was spent spring cleaning my bedroom (with the aid of my mum due to the shoulder problems) and I’m really happy I we did it. I have spare shelves. And I mean they have absolutely nothing on them. I’m going to have to be really good and not buy junk just to fill up the space! So yeah, the room is looking good and I’m ignoring the fact there are at least 10 bags of unwanted bits and pieces waiting to go to a charity shop in the corner.

The weekend has been a cold one and I’ve even woke up to snow a couple of times. It’s rare we actually get a decent amount, it’s usually just light flurrys that disappear quite quickly so I took a couple of pictures, so in years to come I can remember what snow actually looks like!

Now I’m back at work. We’ve had 4 more applications for the job. I don’t know about them, I’ve been too busy to actually take any notice. Letters for them to call about interviews went out today so we might be getting calls to arrange the dates tomorrow. It’ll be good hearing their telephone manner, I’m quite nosey really.

Anyway, enough of this rambling on. Time for some taggage:

I’ve been tagged by SleepyJane, so I best get on with it!

~The rules are - once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with ten weird random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end you choose ten people to be tagged. No tag backs!~

10 Random things/facts/habits about me:

1. When I was younger and got really nervous I would suck the skin on the back of my right hand, which turned into a really hard patch all cracked and sore. Luckily I managed to get out of the habit and my hand is now silky smooth! I just bite my nails now instead…
2. I love Eeyore. absolutely adore him. So much so that I’ve got far too many cuddly toys and ornaments of him. In fact I’ve had to throw some away, I feel I’m getting a bit too old for such an infatuation.
3. I’ve only ever had two boyfriends. And both have lived a fair distance away from me. I obviously don’t attract guys around my area. I’ve always had problems with the opposite sex.
4. When I was a little girl I was called Rubber Legs by my mother. I was quite a clumsy child; always falling over or walking in to things. My legs would be covered in scabs, scratches, bruises. They still are. I bruise easily. Well that’s my excuse anyways.
5. I’m quite a nice (and shy) girl really. Underneath it all. I’ve changed though. I don’t know why and I wish I hadn’t but I have. Try to remember I’m kind, sweet and loving when you read my bitchy entries!
6. I chew chewing gum every day. I can’t get through an afternoon at work without it. And I like blowing and popping the bubbles really loudly.
7. Facebook bores me but I can’t stop looking at it all the time. No one updates, leaves me a message or friend requests me. I’m a Facebook stalker.
8. I used to love chips/fries dipped in strawberry yoghurt. The thought disgusts me now.
9. I love stationery. I love cute pens. And pencils. The cuter the better. Yup.
10. I’m addicted to World of Warcraft. Yes, I’m a nerd and I play computer games. Non-stop. I have four characters and I play online with Mark. How sad am I?? Hate me now.

I don’t have 10 people to tag. I don’t think 10 people even read this, so I’ll tag a couple. Feel free to do it if you want to though..

• Bitterwineuk
• Maxx

The week has been another hard one. Work have really been putting the pressure on me for making up paperwork and knowing everything I need to know about the contract we are getting. I’ve been pulling my hair out and having a little tantrum whenever I think about it. Plus I’ve got to fit it all around my other work which seems to have picked up a bit in the recent weeks. I don’t know which way to turn or if I even know what I’m doing. However, it looks like the contract may be put back until the 1st May instead of April so it gives me a little breathing space. Phew.

We’ve received two more applications for the job, but I can’t remember that much about them. I know they’re young. One has studied beauty therapy and has two qualifications in that (plus a lot of D, E and F grades from school) and the other one doesn’t really stick in my mind. I think they were both around 19 years old. So five CV’s so far, and each girl lives in the same town. The closing date is Wednesday 26th so it looks like it’s going to be one of these five. Interviews will be good… I like walking out to see who they are, give them a look up and down in their interview outfits. I feel such a bitch saying that!

Tuesday I was barely in the office. I’ve been having quite bad shoulder pain so I decided after a month of agony that I should go to the doctors. So I did. I called in the morning and arranged an appointment for 10.10am that day. I left work and turned up at the surgery only to be told they’d booked me in for the Wednesday and not the Tuesday. After kicking up a stink and having a little moan about their incompetence I finally got an appointment at 11.30am instead. The doctor was gorgeous… very yummy. In fact I stared at him more than listen to what he said. It turns out, after much jabbing, prodding and manipulating of my shoulder that he thinks it could actually be my joint instead of a muscular problem like I’d first thought. I’ve been put on anti-inflammatory tablets, painkillers and told to get physio. Then he decided just to make sure, I needed to go for an xray.

Work were quite nice about it and actually gave me the afternoon to go there and then to get it checked out. Best to get it looked at sooner rather than later. The afternoon was then spent in the hospital with a sheet signed by the doctor and waiting for my turn in line to have my arm xrayed. Eventually it was my turn, in and out quickly and it was all over. Just another few xrays to be added to my file - I’m sure I have every other part of my body xrayed and is already in my medical history. I just have to ring in 7 - 10 days time to find out my results. Oh and ring up for physio.

This weekend I’m spending on my own. Mark is working days, so it’s time for me to finally tidy my room up and do the bits and pieces I keep putting off. I ended up spending the afternoon in front of the TV today watching Freaky Friday and High School Musical 2. Why do I put myself through such torture?

That’s about it. Quite boring really.

It’s been a tough old week this week.

To start with, work was hectic Monday and Tuesday, meaning that I was absolutely shattered by the time I got home. For those couple of days I barely sat down for five minutes without having to run around and chase someone or something. It was incredible. I didn’t have the time to pee or get a drink. Honest!

Wednesday evening I ended up having a row with Becky the receptionist. It’s a long story and I can’t be bothered to go in to the ins and outs of it, but let’s just say I wasn’t happy with the way she spoke to me about something and I let go of any composure I had and let rip. When I got told “you can go you know, I’m having a conversation with the boss’s wife” in a very condescending and nasal voice I couldn’t help myself. Plus I got angry because that darling wife is the partner of the new director here and she blatantly gave me the cold shoulder, turned her back on me and ignored me even though I was having a conversation with Becky in the first place. She seems to know A LOT about Becky, the boss talks about her all the time, but neither of them have a care in the world about any of the other employees. I found her damn rude. Hopefully I won’t meet her again for a little while.

The rest of the week slowed down and ended today on a quiet note, thankfully. In the end I was bored rigid being in my office on my own (the boss had a half day) and ended up having a 20 minute snoozing session in the afternoon. Yesterday I felt, and looked, awful. I alternated between hot and cold, clammy and shivering. I felt dizzy and found it a struggle to balance or concentrate. I have no idea why, but it could have been something to do with a two week late period and lots of tension recently. Even so, I’ve never felt like that in all these years when that inevitable time comes round.

As this entry seems to be all about work, I’ll mention the applicants for the job. We’ve only had 3 so far. I personally thought we might have a few more, but then the salary is low and I assume people expect more now. Although saying that, it’s only £800 less than what I earn now. I haven’t exactly been blessed with pay rises, only the £500 after a 6 month probation period and a 3% increase. Hardly anything to write home about. Hence another reason I’m not particularly happy here. Becky started on the same wage, had a £1000 pay rise before she’d even completed 3 months work, then received her £500 after 6 months, got another £1000 and then her 3%. Unfair? Me thinks so.

Anyway, the applicants.

• Kayleigh. 21 years old. Currently a cleaner. No actual working experience but likes to keep up to date with fashion and loves music and to sing. Oh, and she has performed at the London Palladium!

* I read this as possibly a blonde bimbo, reasonably pretty, loves make up, performing and glitter. Role model: Barbie or Jordan. Thinks she should be a model. All men/boys will fall in love with her and she’ll be crap at the job.

• Beverley. 31 years old. Has run her own business from home since 2003. Has also been working as a dinner lady. Enjoys camping.

* Read as she is possibly married with children, hence the dinner lady job. Would she want time off for her darling kiddies? Why isn’t she expanding her home business?

• Caroline. 36 years old. Married. 3 children. Also worked as a dinner lady for the past few months after spending 10 years as a company secretary. BTEC in Business and Finance (passed with distinction) and a qualification in typing (passed with a merit).

* Personally I can’t see this woman wanting to do the daily grind in our office, doing the post, the shredding and other trivial jobs. She’s been a woman with experience, power and people working below her for a good few years, is she really going to want such a low salary? The children will require her to have a lot of time off and will take priority. It will be the same problems all over again, like with the part time woman we have for a few more weeks.

So, there you go.

This weekend is set to be a quiet one. Mark is working nights so I won’t get to hear from him until the evenings for the next few days. I’ll probably end up messing around on my computer or reading a book. I don’t know, I get bored easily…

Plus I’ll probably end up singing that bloody Sugar Puffs song from the advert; it’s been doing the rounds in my head for the past few days.

* Just my thoughts, not reality. I’m not against women with children, but in my experience they’ve only ever wanted huge amounts of time off for Little Johnny/Emma and are treated completely different. Plus, it’s all they ever talk about and will be the only woman in the office married with children. Nor am I against blondes or think they are all bimbos, I myself have blonde hair and am not a bimbo. She just sounds like one. I may be completely wrong on all accounts and I will happily hold my hand up and say so.

The weekend has given me a great deal of time to mull my situation over and chat about it with people who care. Namely Mark. It’s given me an opportunity to reflect and make some decisions.

Mainly that I’m not going to let things bother me in the way I have done in the past. I let far too many things get on top of me and I worry far too much. I can’t keep doing it, feeling like I’m carry the weight of the world on my shoulders with no one to give a bit of assistance when needed. I get to frustrated with situations I can’t control, and then I get angry. I make myself ill with all this worry, I ache with tension, my sleep suffers and I begin to look dreadful. I need to stop it.

Having had this attitude since Friday evening I’m already feeling much better. I’m sleeping well, my skin is looking a lot healthier, my headaches have disappeared and I feel good for the first time in a while. I feel happy.

My eyes are tired, my legs are sore and all I want to do is go to bed. But I can’t. Something is stopping me and I’m not sure what or why.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. Or what I was going to say when I stared at the empty text box.

So, I took it upon myself to be tagged by SleepyJane and decided to give it a go:

What is your occupation?
General office gopher.

What are you listening to right now?
Nothing. I’m in the mood for some quiet time.

Can you drive a stick shift?
Of course.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Most probably pink, I like girlie.

Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Mark.

Do you like the person who tagged you?
Yep, she’s a sweetie.

Favorite drink?
Coca Cola.

What is your favorite sport to watch?
Tennis.

Have you ever dyed your hair?
Yes, although it always looked the same colour!

Pets?
One cat. I’ve had dogs, hamsters, rabbits, fish…

Favorite food?
Anything made from potatoes.

Last movie you watched?
Juno.

Favorite day of the year?
Any day I’m off work.

Favorite toy as a child?
A dog that yapped and walked when you turned it on.

Fall or Spring?
Autumn (Fall).

What kind of pie?
Lemon Meringue

Living arrangements?
With the parents.

What is on the floor of your closet?
Boxes of “stuff” and a few pairs of shoes.

What inspires you?
I don’t know.

What are you afraid of?
Spiders and birds.

Favorite car?
Umm.. not sure I have a favourite.

Favorite day of the week?
Friday’s. It’s the weekend when I leave work. Yay!

Pretty sure everyone has probably done this by now. If not and you want to have a go, feel free.

Good news: She didn’t take the receptionist job, which means we’ll have to advertise and find someone new and teach them up.

Bad news: No one seems at all bothered about putting an advert anywhere. Most of the directors are out over the next couple of weeks, the ideal time to be advertising and interviewing. No doubt if it all turns out wrong I’ll have to do the bloody job.

The ugly: My hair seems to be looking much better after a sleep. It sort of flattens out. I still feel like a boy though, and I’m pretty sure I’ll never be called gorgeous, hence the ugly.

I guess it’s how life goes. We all have our ups and downs. I generally seem to have a lot more downs than most people I know. I’m a very pessimistic creature who can never see any good in anything. Crap.

—

Last Wednesday we were going to hear if someone was taking the receptionist’s job when she leaves. There is a woman who works part time (4 hours 3 days a week), but doesn’t exactly do that much work. She is the daughter of one of the men who started up the business. He has since retired, but still butts in when it’s not wanted. So this woman has had it far too easy the past 10 years she’s “worked” there. Anyway, she was asked months ago if she would like the job once Becky leaves, but it was just too far away for her to even think about it! She was given until the end of February to give her answer, her last day being Wednesday. But she didn’t come in. She called up in hysterics and panicking about talking to the boss. Then she came in on Friday, only to get given the weekend to decide because she just can’t make up her mind.

Personally I think if it’s taking her so long to come to a decision it isn’t the right job for her. I know one of the reasons it’s taking a long time is that it’s either full time or we say goodbye to her, and she really doesn’t want to leave. She loves being with her family, she wants to leave on time every night (which we all know doesn’t always happen), she panics at the slightest thing which will inevitably reduce her to tears. She really just wants to work a couple of full days a week and let someone else do the other days, which wouldn’t work with the type of work we do. It just doesn’t seem the ideal choice to have her on reception. Plus I want a new person to wind up, play with and turn into a clone of me. Ha.

Tomorrow we are supposed to find out what her answer is. I’m currently taking bets on a yes, no, no show or extra time. Place your bets please! I think she’ll end up saying yes because we don’t really want her there and it will just make work for me 10 times harder.

This week has been full of stress listening to her go on and on about the job and what she should do and then waiting for her answer. I think I’ve woken up with a headache nearly every day, which didn’t disappear and gradually got worse as the day wore on. I can’t take another week of this. We really need to know an answer incase we need to advertise and interview potential candidates. I’m keeping my fingers, toes and everything else crossed that the woman says no.

Yesterday I had my hair cut and it’s now a little shorter. It’s still graduated up at the back but the front now finishes around my chin instead of somewhere between my chin and shoulders. It looked really great in the hairdresser, after she’d blow dried and straightened it. Now I’m not so sure. I keep getting told it looks nice, but all I see when I look in the mirror is the Milky Bar Kid with a mushroom head. Yesterday it looked sleek and shiny, today it’s frizzy.

Mark was here this weekend. We stayed because of my hair appointment and we were taken out for a meal on Saturday for Mother’s Day. We never miss the opportunity for a free lunch. We went to a little pub out where my oldest sister lives and it was very yummy. Mark had steak and a sticky toffee pudding. I gorged myself on goat’s cheese fritters, tuna jacket potato and clotted cream ice cream. The goat’s cheese fritters weren’t as nice as I thought they might be, they turned out to be quite sickly and I couldn’t eat all three on my plate. But that was the only bad point about the meal, and it was nice to try something different.

Today I’ve ended up getting quite ratty with Mark. We’ve made up now, not that there was an argument or anything, I just apologised for my behaviour. When we spend a weekend here instead of Mark’s house I always get angry. Mostly due to my family. I find my sister and dad really annoying and wish I could just hide myself away in my room. Unfortunately I can’t so I get angry instead. And then take it out on Mark. Plus I didn’t like my hair, my room looked awful, I didn’t get half the stuff done that I wanted to and somehow I’ve hurt my shoulder again. Mark gave it a little massage and found the point of my pain. Then decided to keep pressing it until I cried. Men!

So yes. I need to sort myself out and get this anger issue under control. My temper can be really bad. I get pissed off over the slightest thing. I’m not sure if it’s being a Virgo that makes me like it, but I like things to be ordered and tidy and if my bedroom is messy, which it always is with Mark here, then I get moody. It’s really stupid really.

To be honest, I’m still in an ‘I hate myself’ mood and I think it’s going to take a lot to get me out of it. Mark managed but then had to leave, which left me looking in a mirror and getting more and more upset. I don’t like the way I look, I’ll be hung up on my hair for the next week or so, I really need to exercise - I’m fat, I still bite my nails. But I won’t do anything about these things. Too lazy. I think of all the things I could have done or would have done had things been different. I go back over all the wrong turns I made in life. The problems I created, the situations I ran away from. Where everything went wrong… The trouble is I don’t learn from my mistakes, I continue to make them over and over again.

When will I learn?